I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So. Much. Porn.
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