Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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