i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
