I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
