I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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