i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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