How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
