I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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