so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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