I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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