you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
