I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
