I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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