My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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