never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
