Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
