wat bout pragnant strippers??
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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