He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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