PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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