Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
