i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
