Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
