ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
