i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize