i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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