I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You left your phone here
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