I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
