dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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