i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
