just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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