dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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