More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
