Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
