Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
