Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
