Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
