Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
