would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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