did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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