Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
