turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
