I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
