Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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