A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
