I'm so fucking centered right now
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
