I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
