She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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