We're like a lot better than the average bears
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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