I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
