Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
