remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
