Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
