i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
