how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
