when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
