we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
