I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
