Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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