Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
