I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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