Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
