are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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