Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
