Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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