are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
