you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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