its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you didnt know i had herpes?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
