I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
