Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
