I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
